So middle age is now something that recognisably afflicts us from 53 – it used to be 41 and, as I’ve been known to state my time on the planet as a dyslexic 35 – the age that I always feel – I guess I may have been aware of the inevitability of a new title.
Now as it happens the final few days of my being a mere 53 are rattling through very quickly. Indeed this coming Monday the clock turns again. I guess that takes me well into middle age, staring down the slippery slope. So whilst I lie down in a darkened room, a glass of Auchentoshan warming in my grasp, let’s just have a look at what we are told are the current signs of middle age. It’s in the papers, and being blethered about on the phone-ins, so it must all be true.
The good news is the gap between young and old is much smaller, as more and more is done online and through social media, by all age groups. But frustration with said technology, and the need for a nap, are clear signs of that middle age badge applying.
Getting worried are we? How about the songs in the current top ten. Go on, tell me you know the tunes, assuming they are actually tuneful, and their titles. Artists? OK I’ll forgive you the artists.
Apparently half of us don’t feel there is such a thing as middle age any more. I think we call that denial. How young you feel is more important than the numbers on the cards. Illness and memory loss though are increasingly feared. Uh-huh.
Nearly half of the over 50s claim not to have experienced middle age, though we’re not told if they’re below the magic 53, or heading fast towards the 60s. We claim turning 50 to be a new stage, whereas it used to be 30, then 40. Now I disagree with that one, denial again I think. But for me 40 was not good, 50 a breeze. Perhaps it’s just an acceptance.
So here are the top ten:
Out of touch with technology – tablets and tellys – and what about passwords and PINs?
No idea what the yoof are talking about – nothing new there I suspect
Feeling stiff – don’t titter at the back
Afternoon nap – it would be nice to have the time, but I have been known to rest the feet on the desk for 10 minutes, OK half an hour, back in my younger days, 30s I think. Too busy now though.
Groaning when you bend down – nah, it’s getting back up again
Forgetting the names of modern bands – who are these Beatles chaps, as someone once said
Talking a lot of joints/ailments – my lips are sealed, and you don’t want to know about joints in the world of The Ghamellawallah
Hating noisy pubs – it’s when you can’t hear the person next to you for the noise from the corner – damn, it happens in the café at the swimming pool too….
Getting more hairy – we are talking ears, nose, palms of hands etc – so have you got your trimmer yet?
And the old policeman/teachers/doctors looking young thing – so nothing new there either
Anyone admitting to Middle Age? I’m away for trundle on the bike. Then I might just have that nap, assuming my joints don’t seize up. And music on the iPad thingy when cycling- oh probably Doris Day, just until FMQs returns you understand. Actually I don’t do earbuds when cycling – that would be dangerous, not hearing the traffic. Is that a sign of age, or just a wish to keep on living?